those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
