I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
