the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
