I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
