I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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