Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
