I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
