their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
