maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
