if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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