This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
