I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
