My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Randomize
