Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
