How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
