wakey wakey hands off snakey
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
