last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
