I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
