dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
