I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
