I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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