I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
