New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
