Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
