so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
