You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
