wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
