Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
