It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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