problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
