That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
