cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
