I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
