It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
