i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
