We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Terrible idea I love it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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