we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
