hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
