I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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