Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
