i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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