um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
