he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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