everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
