Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
