Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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