I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
