My sheets look like a crime scene.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
