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• (619): View more from California

  If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.

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• (619): View more from California

  Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour

  (513): View more from Ohio

  its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?

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• (850): View more from Florida

  It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.

  (210): View more from Texas

  But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!

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