Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
