the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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