Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
