The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
